BIT, I'm sorry.
I've clearly misjudged you, underestimated you, and for that, I'm sorry.
Why this sudden turnabout and metaphorical dining on ugly birds you ask? WELL...friday was quite the day. quite quite quite the day. 32 cents in my bank acount kind of day. gas light goes on in my car when I'm half an hour fromhome kind of day. miss an assignment cause I'm doing ad copy find out my mileage cheque won't be in till Tuesday fight with my boss about edits kind of day.
so it's all fairly gruesome but the important parts are this: I'm incredibly grumpy, incredibly stressed, and just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I cried in my car on the trip between Fall River and my missed assignment and work. I haven't done that in months. So I'm right up to the hilt when BIT hands me back a story that I'd work hard on, slashed to bits. Mainly, a well crafted and woven in paragraph where I integreted a discussion of ethenol as it relates to the current world food crisis. SO we fight a bit about that where I say you know what? I'm just too tired and don't care enough anymore to fight you on this. enjoy your fluff (yeah I get way snippy when i'M not happy), and he says 'I'm sorryw e can't do this sort of thing, if that's what you want to do maybe this is the wrong place for you, but you have to decide that'. and I leave his office going 'woah was that the hint I'm gonna get canned?' followed closely by bad day rebellious feelings of perhaps-i-SHOULD-just-march-in-there-and-quit. I've done that before but only for crap retail jobs.
Anyway, bad day parade continues when he pops his head around his door to inform me that a)mileage cheques, for which I've been waiting, begging, pleading, praying, won't be here till Tuesday. At the earliest. and oh btw, even though it's my weekend off, if I want some ownership of the monthly I've recently started doing tons of work for, there are some weekend events int hat coverage area I shoudl go to.
So I snap. and say 'dude (yes I called my boss dude), I have 32 cents in my bank account and 20 bucks in my wallet. I can either get gas or eat and even then I'm probably not going to be able to afford to drive in on Monday.'
and he nods, and goes back into his office. then I hear him go 'after your 2 o clock appointmnet, you can go home. that's not a good thing. we'll talk about it monday.' and I go 'ok' and start packing up, then he goes 'actually, we''ll talk about it now' and kicks A and Captain Intern (high schools tudent we've had around latly) out of his office and calls me in.
I enter in that weird agressive/aprehenision pattern you get, where you think you're going to get fired adn you're mentally preparing to quit instead to save your pride. I'm standing too because I know it makes him uncomfortable when I'm taller than mhim (ok it makes me feel better more like). and then he starts in about how he knows the situation is bad but the others out there don't need to hear about it blah blah and I do something I NEVER DO.
ever.
I cry. in front of my boss. I have one of those face scrunching moments of comoplete overwhelm-ness, frustration bubbling up in highly unattractive and unprofessional snuffling complete with snot. I am not a pretty cryer.
and BIT tells me it's Ok,a nd I go its not because I never do this, professionalism and blah blah then he's telling me to sit down and how he understands, he was exactlyw here I was for three years, and he's pushing to get us a cost of living increase, and would $ help? and I'm thinking 'wait what?' then he's saying, no no I'll lend you that money, to get you through the weekend.
and I'm thinking dear god I misjudged this man. that's seriously above and beyond. I should know- I've had older, more experienced, hypothetically wiser and better bosses who, when I was in WORSE situations couldn't be bothered. but this? this is big. this is entering territory of great-boss here.
so I swallowed my pride- I'm too poor for pride anyway-and took the money. I'll pay him back on Tuesady when I get the mileage cheque. for now I've got food and gas and can...breathe a bit.
meanwhile. I have to totally revaluate my perception of BIT. yes, he can be a bit of an asshat occasionally- but can't we all? I'm sure we've all been posterior chapeauxs at one point or another. but...he's got the potetnial to be a great boss. he's got that thing that when he's older, when he's doen this more, when he's a bit more experienced adn maybe when he's not swamped dealing with ads everyday will make him one of those kick ass editors, at that small paper so many amazing journalists travel through. that person who in 20 years will ahve a string of award winning journalists saying 'I learned it from him'.
or you know, just that he made sure I didn't starve.
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