Seductive face at 9 am

So apparently I have a seduction face. Yeah, I know, I'm surprised too.

This came out last evening while talking to V...the lovely girl who accompanied me at the beginning of what can only be described as my ill-thought out 'slutty stage' several years ago (waves across the internet).
Apparently this look involves creepily maintained eye-contact, pursed lips, and a saucy little flip of the head...and what appeared to be prancing. oh yes, prancing. Now, I was unaware that I am capable of prancing- shasaying, yes. Strutting, ok. maybe even the occasional frolic. but prancing?
so After this look had been modelled across my living room, much to the enjoyment of my roommate, M, who swears he's never seen this look (If such a look exists, and I can neither confirm nor deny this, I would have retired it long before M ventured forth to the magical realm of the gay bar with us), I got to thinking:


how does a look that mostly resembles a constipated penguin attractive?

I'm just confused here. Almost as confused as the whole leg-thing. See, I'm leggy. or rather, I'm tall and most of it happens to be in my legs. But I never understood what precisely makes a leg attractive. After all, everyone has them. They're sort of neccessary. They're like a spleen- we all have them, and we'd probably fall apart if we didn't, but we're not quite able to define their importance. Oh wait, isn't the spleen the surperfluous organ?
but I digress.

The point is, looking back on two, ok almost three, years of club-slutdom, I wonder about the culture. Basically it's ridiculous. You wear too few clothes for a Halifax winter, paired with too high heels to walk comfortable, to gyrate against sweaty strangers who will then attempt to grope your ass while sticking their tounge in your ear. If you're really lucky they might buy you a drinkb efore they ask if they can take you home, where you will smack them around and call them bad.

I guess all species have to have their mating rituals, but even this seems a little skeezy to me. I always wanted a hot shower after I got home from those places, and not just because midget-men had a tendancy of drooling on my top (that's another thing I'll never understand- short men who believe that tall women must clearly be enamoured with their diminuative stature. no. I'm not. now back off you creepy little dwarf. DISCLAIMER: that is in no way a bash against dwarfs or little people. Just short normal-size men. I love little people. God's little punchlines).

Basically, the whole guy thing is a little fraught with idiocy for my taste. And there aren't a lot of options when you're in your 20s! There's option a- FriendCest. But that's very junior high to me, and never turns out well. Besides, that requires the whole I-like-you-but-I-can't-tell-you-because-you-might-not-like-me-so-I'm-going-to-dance-around-it-and-get-pissed-if-you-don't-figure-it-out-all-because-I-don't-want-to-make-it-awkward. See? complicated even to type. and besides, I don't care how cool people say they are with it; no one wants to go to the scary mental place of two of their friends having sex. No. I don't want to know, nor do I want to hear about it, and for the love of god don't actually let me hear events already in progress! It's just wrong. And I say that from someone who's walked in on one of her friends sprawled across the lviig room floor with her boyfriend between her thighs- it's just awkward. And then of course, there's the breakup. this is ok if the other half was an adopt-a-friend (someone who was only ever in the circle because they were dating your pal. Nice enough, but you're not going to notice if they got hit by a bus). It's not if everyone's pals together. then you ahve to get into friend-divorce settlements- who gets who- followed by the break-up-morning period- how long do I have to ignore/hate this person before I can be friends with them again?
Oh and then there's always the double friend-cest. One half of a prior couple suddenly wants to date someone ELSE in the circle. and we all get to play ring-around-the-who-gave-me-herpes.

so no. Option A is not, for me, terribly attractive.

So there's Option B, previously discussed: random club boys to scratch and itch. Effective, if skanky, and will generally leave youw ith more things to itch than a neglected clitoris. And for those who didnt' pick that up, that was me making an STD joke (or are they STI's now? I can't keep track. the cootie disease, how bout that?).

Enter Option C. It's the option for overworked, underpaid, virtual world babies who spend more time on facebook than they do actually talking to their friends. Internet dating. There area couple kinds of this; there's the virtual-world version of the club hookup, but that often leads to creeptastic scenarios like the one encountered by my pal MJ, who ended up dating a 34 year old man..who was married...to a woman........who apparently was so cool with her husband boffing a 21 year old boy that she'd come cuddle with them afterwards...........

simply put it was at once the eek-iest relationship I've heard about and utterly fasinating because it was so very very very urban, and Ilike to think knowing these people made me cool by association. I could be wrong of course.

Then there's the other kind of online dating; the kind that, while mildly tinged with desparation (the boy with the profile saying he's looking for a girlfriend for a logn term relationship to spoil and love forever and ever sorts of sums that one up), might actually work out. The ones where it's simply a way for very busy people who are sick of the friend-cest games to meet other overworked people for vapid coffee dates, akward conversation, and possibly some sort of archaic 50's throwback to a labelled and defined relationship- and by that I mean a boyfriend.


which is why I'm currently on one.

so we'll see how that goes, now won't we?